For many people, the grief experienced after the loss of an animal companion can be equal to the sorrow felt when a human loved one has passed on. Cats and dogs have a lifespan considerably shorter than humans, so their families will need to face their death sooner or later. Let’s look at the grieving journey and how to cope with the intense emotions.
Not all grief progresses the same
People grieve differently. Some are comfortable opening up about their feelings, while others need more privacy. It’s important to also understand that the grieving process follows no set pattern. You may be managing reasonably well for a while and be able to focus on happy memories of your companion but feel overcome with sorrow at other times.
There are actually five stages of grief, as outlined by psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.” These consist of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Most people will experience all of these stages in some form. However, their order isn’t necessarily sequential or linear. The thing to remember is that it’s normal to experience any or all these feelings.
The challenges of grieving a pet
One of the hardest aspects about grieving the loss of your fur baby is judgement or dismissal from others. You may encounter people who don’t understand or appreciate the depths of despair you can feel when your pet has died. This is especially true if they aren’t pet parents themselves or don’t see animals as warranting of the same level of grief as humans. You may even criticize yourself for some of your emotions.
This can make it difficult to acknowledge your feelings and be open with others about them. The best approach is to find another pet parent or two in or outside your circle who appreciates the strong bond you can have with a companion animal. Reach out to these like-minded individuals for support as needed and avoid discussing your loss with those who try to devalue what you’re going through.
Remembering the good times
In the early days, your mind may naturally go to the last moments you had with your canine or feline friend. Perhaps they were in pain or maybe you had to make the hard decision to euthanize them after the veterinarian gave them a terminal diagnosis. However, ruminating on their final days may prevent you from learning to cope with their loss.
Instead, focus on commemorating your pet’s life and remembering the time you shared with them. Let yourself think about happy and sad moments and concentrate on revisiting your favorite memories of them. Like any pet parent, you probably have lots of photos of your animal. Consider spending time looking through these images and reflecting on the journey you and your pet enjoyed together.
This can hurt and bring sadness along with the happy thoughts, so take it slow. It’s part of the grieving process and, with time, you’ll be able to focus more on the good memories. When you’re ready, see if you can find a good picture to frame and keep nearby.
Honoring your pet
Finding a way to honor your pet can assist you with moving through the grieving process. Rituals such as having a funeral or spreading their ashes in a location that has meaning for you both may help. You might decide to plan a tree in their memory or buy a memorial necklace that contains some of your dog’s or cat’s ashes. Some people have a painting commissioned from a photograph or create a memory box of special mementos, such as their pet’s collar and a beloved toy. You might also memorialize your pet’s life by compiling a scrap book of photos or reflecting on what your pet meant to you and sharing it in an obituary.
Accepting the loss
Understand that coming to terms with the fact that your companion has passed away can take weeks or months. Take the time you need to pack up their belongings, and remember to be kind to yourself. As you go through your day, there are bound to be constant reminders of your pet everywhere you look in the house and when you venture out into the community. You may run into neighbors who expect to see you walking your pooch or picking up cat treats in the store.
Talk to people only when you’re ready and give yourself time to cry in private. Remember, you need to sit with all the painful feelings that come up to move through them and heal.
In closing
The grief you experience when you lose a pet is uniquely yours. By understanding the grieving process and giving yourself the time you need to come to terms with the death, thinking of your pet will more often bring a smile than heartache in time.